Obama: Barbara Boxer on short list for V.P.

Published  6/8/08

(Chicago, Illinois 6/8/08) – In a press release scheduled for tomorrow morning, presumptive Democratic Party nominee Barack Obama (D-Ill) will announce Senator Barbara Boxer is on the short list for his choice as Vice-President.

Said a spokesperson, “After a difficult and trying primary season, the attention has now shifted to a unified party ticket to run against John McCain. In making this important selection, we have decided that we must go after independents, moderates, Reagan Democrats and other people who are undecided at this point. We need someone whose vision of a New America, who desperately shares our message of hope and change and whose political ideology is far to the right of Mr. Obama will help us attract these voters. We also hope this will attract disenfranchised women voters who were disappointed at Hillary Clinton coming up short in the nomination process.”

Continuing, “Since Senator Boxer is on our short list, we’ll introduce her to the American public with what we’re going to call “The Short Bus Tour” allowing her to display her intellect, reasoning skills and ability to articulate the new administrations positions during whistle stop speeches across the country. We think this will go over particularly well in Appalachia which is key to our election hopes.”

Developing..

Saudi Arabia negotiating with Democrats to buy North Dakota

Published 6/6/08

(Riyahd, Saudi Arabia) - It has been revealed through anonymous sources that Saudi Arabia has entered into serious negotiations with U. S. Democrats to purchase, for $200 billion in cash, the states of North and South Dakota.

Said a spokesperson for the Democratic Party, "This purchase makes sense from a domestic and economic point of view. North and South Dakota don't have much from a tourist point of view other than some rock carvings and a bunch of drunk bikers once a year. We feel the revenue gained from this sale will enable Democratic Party Presumptive Nominee Barack Obama to invest in universal health care for all Americans as well as give us the necessary funds to move forward on green technologies and alternative energy sources greatly reducing our reliance on foreign oil. We simply have to truck it a few miles and it's in our hands. We anticipate the price of gas to also tumble to about $3.75 a gallon putting significant amounts of money back into the pockets of consumers."

From Riyahd, the Saudis said this purchase has nothing to do with 413 billion possible barrels of oil under the state or the resulting tumble of oil prices worldwide should the U.S. suddenly develop the nerve to actually do something about energy independence. Said a spokesperson, "We know Democratic Party policies will cost billions. As friends of the U.S., we want to help them pay for for what they want."

Developing..

Democratic Party of Iraq to change their name after disastrous U.S. Democratic  Party meetings today

(Baghdad, Iraq - 6/1/08) - Ali Abu sat at a typical Iraqi coffeehouse today watching the discussion of the U.S. Democratic Party regarding Michigan and Florida on CSPAN-International. As head of the Democratic Party of Iraq, he could not believe his eyes and what he was hearing. Said Ali through an interpreter, "We here in Iraq equate the Democratic Party with upstanding morals, clear vision, unending commitment to helping those in need and a cohesiveness of spirit. These Democrats in America have none of these. I must shake my head at the comedy being perpetrated in America after watching the Democratic Party of the U.S. come off as a true group of buffoons. They want to run the United States, but they can't agree how to run their own party. They want to participate in international politics and demand "change", yet they "change" their "rules" which were set in place and everyone agreed to, until it was expedient for them to "change" the rules to the benefit of a select few. How can the world expect them to keep their word on explosive matters of life and death if they "change" their minds and "rules" on this issue so easily? How can they be trusted?" Continuing, "We will now change the name of our party to "The Kegger". At least we'll have some fun after the name change, will have a better chance to be taken seriously and will leave this embarrassing episode in the past."<!--[if !supportEmptyParas]--> <!--[endif]-->

DNC Chairman Howard Dean, when informed of this change of heart from Ali screamed that the interpretation has to be in error, and the DNC will immediately sue the interpreter and will take it all the way to the Supreme Court and International Courts if they have to, to prove they are the party of tolerance and diversity.<!--[if !supportEmptyParas]--> <!--[endif]-->

Developing..